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Episode-2210- Surviving Child Custody Battles

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Nathan Laneer is a 39 year old truck driver in Washington state. He’s originally from Arkansas, moved to Washington at the age of 10. Nathan has 2 children, a son that’s 15, and a daughter that’s 9, and a girlfriend/partner of 6 years.

They are currently converting a school bus to live in when he and his family moves to Arkansas in 3 years. They will be moving to his hometown, on 5 acres of inherited property that was originally his great grandfathers land. They will be starting a modern homestead on the property and starting a new life in rural Arkansas.

Nathan joins us to discuss how the family court system and what the state considers “reasonable child support” can effect young men trying to make a living and be involved in the lives of their children.  Making hard choices, still pursuing your dreams and how others can hopefully avoid some of these difficult situations.

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Comments

Episode-2210- Surviving Child Custody Battles — 11 Comments

  1. I’m talking to my baby’s mother right now thanking her for not being crazy, for being reasonable and actually pushing against the family court when they try to talk her into screwing me over.

  2. Where do I start… MGTOW now, went through the ringer twice since I didnt learn my lesson the first time. Both are batshit crazy, one that makes the order up or decides when to follow as she goes, and the other is a crazy control freak. If we’re not for my preps, I don’t know where I would be at. The system sucks for men.

  3. Hang in there Nathan. I paid my last payment in July of 2014. After that I was able to buy my Homestead. In Texas the AG handles everything with child support and actually they stop it when the conditions of support have been met. I had over paid since it was between pay periods. I called and they congratulated me for finishing it. They sent me a refund check in the mail. I was flabbergasted that I didn’t have to fight for it.

  4. Thank you for sharing this story.

    In my opinion, any man with young boys in the USA should be teaching them about the trials and tribulations faced by the previous generations of men “living the American dream” – and the hell that a large portion of the male population has been through at no fault of their own.

    I watched my father experience divorce as a young man, and didn’t heed his warnings (I assumed him to be a bitter old man…).  I was being a foolish young man who just wanted a family of my own.  My father’s words did not fit that myopic narrative, so I chose to reject his hard earned wisdom, and live in denial.

    In retrospect, he was doing nothing but trying the best he knew how to warn me off from pursing the path I did.

    Now, a few decades later, I have a wife and couple of sons myself.  I do nothing more than work to provide for the family, and come home to my family every night and help with the kids.  I don’t drink, drug, gamble, beat, cheat, etc.  I walk a narrow path with the hopes that it is simply good enough that my spouse doesn’t one day decide to serve papers for whatever reason.  Sometimes it seems good enough, others I’m wondering when the Officer of the Court shows up and mutters those dreaded words, “… you’ve been served!”

    I’m in a reasonably stable marriage most of the time, but am keenly aware of how quickly that can change and spiral out of control with the deck stacked against me.  All of that, as I’ve learned through hard experience, is largely independent of my inputs into the situation and completely at the whim/mental state of my spouse.

    Marriage for most men in the United States of America seems not all that dissimilar to playing emotional and financial Russian Roulette with 50% of the chambers loaded.  I have personally witnessed so many good men and fathers batted around and abused by their spouses, while being emotionally & financially raped in the (anti)Family Court systems.

    I love my family.  I love my wife.  And, I certianly understand and accept that marriages ebb & flow over time. But I’m reasonably intelligent and understand human nature, statistics and probability.  Given that, I hope that I never have to experience the hell that is our Family Court system in this country.  Very little terrifies me more than the prospect of this possibility.

    Jack and his guest gave all of us Fathers (young and old) THE best advice at 39-41 minutes in this podcast episode – prioritize preparation (“keep it to yourself”) to protect yourself and children if times get tough, or even if they don’t.  Every scrap of resources squirreled away is one that you don’t have to harvest while going through this type of messy process.  NOBODY else is going to do this for you.  You and I are on our own to watch our own backs and plate our chests with the proverbial Armour needed to survive this kind of mess.

    The reality that is our Family Court System has to change.  Children need their Fathers.  There are plenty of examples in our society showing what happens when they are robbed of that influence in their lives.  If women ever want the hope of equity in this world, then it must be equitable.  Otherwise, it will continue to turn to resentment and bitterness towards the opposite sex with a continued outcome that is good for nobody.  #MGTOW is (sadly) a real and rapidly growing movement, and for good reason.

  5. Thank you Jack and Nathan! This episode really hit a personal chord with me.

    My brother has been in a legal battle for the past 10 years; to increase visitation with his son and daughter (now 12 and 15). He has taken the mother (never married) back to court at every opportunity. He has had every other weekend for the past several years but never a single overnight and it has never increased.

    Here’s the rub; my brother is a narcissistic sociopath and has been a monster to his children, their mother, my sister, her husband, our mother and me.

    He doesn’t care about his kids; instead, he has used them as a weapon to bankrupt his ex-girlfriend for kicking him out of her life. He’s the most vindictive person I’ve ever met. He has cost her over $750,000 in legal fees over these past 10 years. That is not a typo! An average of $75,000 a year (she’s a doctor and has no money saved because of this).

    Oh, and his kids hate his guts for everything he has done to try to destroy our family including bankrupting his own mother (who had won a $1.3 million lawsuit when our father died from asbestos).  Her house is now in foreclosure. And, believe me, this is the short version!

    The family court judge in Rochester, NY (I won’t use her last name but Joanne is her first name and, thank God, she’s retiring this year) has sided with the father consistently and let him break every rule in the book while on visits and in the courtroom.

    The mother, on the other hand, has been held to the highest standard and has been found in contempt of court. If she does anything to prevent the court ordered visits, even though the children hate their father, she will go to jail. The children have told the judge time and again that they want visits stopped but their words have fallen on deaf ears. She, too, is a monster!

    A few months ago, the father obstructed his son’s airway by squeezing his windpipe. He is now on trial, his son has an order of protection and, just yesterday, his daughter received an order, as well.

    With any luck, these kids will soon be forever free of the monster that calls himself their father.

    Our legal system, although it is touted as one of the best in the world, sucks! Keep out of it if you can. My brother has sucked me into it, as well, for the past 6 years. Luckily, his lies are coming to light and the judge in our case sees who he is. Hopefully, this nightmare will be over soon.

    Seeing the toll (financial and emotional) on my niece and nephew (and their mother), my heart goes out to all children and families who are stuck in terrible situations because one parent decides to use the system against the other.

  6. This is a very interesting Podcasting episode, I have marked it and intend to re-listen to it a number of times again periodically, maybe 4 times every year for the remainder of my life.

    I  would ask, is it possible to foresee which fine young thing will turn into a witch/bitch and which ones will stay good ?

    I would look forward to a future Podcast on the subject of  predicting which apples will rot and which won’t

    I wish they though this stuff at school.

     

  7. Marriage….or even fathering a child, accidentally or otherwise, can be a Type 1 error.

    As survival topics go, addressing the flaws of the marriage-legal-industrial complex (a government institution not unlike their school system) is critically important, IMO.

    I’ve been an “internet” ULC minister for years and have officiated over 20 marriages…though I never even made enough to break even as a stand-alone business because I performed some of them while on town time for the municipality I worked in as a service to the residents. Even did one celebrity marriage. I would not accept any compensation (she promised me a CD, which I figured would be fine) and requested a contribution to the local animal shelter, as was my habit.

    I can only guess at the number of those marriages that worked out, but I’ll bet it wasn’t a very high percentage.

    Marriage is best framed as an agreement between two consenting adults, celebrated in front of “witnesses” (friends and family) to help them validate it.

    The legal chains to such unions have become so heavy nowadays, that it is unadvisable unless you are really, REALLY sure…..and you might still be wrong.

    Still, breaking and engagement is like ripping off a Band-Aid. It might hurt for a while, but it is probably better to take the pain up front, then have it paid back – with interest – over the long term.

  8. I think what Catskill Frank related just emphasizes what was said on the podcast about the system being more the culprit and source of the problem than the other spouse. Even though the divorce and child custody system in the US tends to destroy and abuse men the majority of the time, it’s obvious it can destroy the woman just as badly for no good reason depending on the person who happens to be running the show. The system is a dangerous, unpredictable flamethrower being wielded by selfish children… i.e. the gov’t and certain (though not all) members of the legal profession.

  9. The most unjust situation I ever witnessed was that of a co-worker. He married a woman with 2 kids and ultimately legally adopted them. Then when things fell apart and they got divorced he had to pay child support for the 2 kids. This would be fine except his now ex-wife reunited with the biological father, got married and he still had to pay child support, all the while having no visitation. His ex and the baby daddy just milked him until the kids were 18.
     

  11. The system is messed up. Earlier this week I had a subpoena come across my desk for back child support in the amount of 4.1 million dollars. Something about that just isn’t right.

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