When I got out of the army at 21, yep that young. I went home for about 2 weeks and everything was the same but me. I spent a few months walking the Appalachian trail to clean my head, tried going “home” again.

My head was now mostly clear, my military programming mostly let go of, I was still different the place and the people and the family were not. I left.

I went to Texas, I did have a room mate from the Army days, a good friend. This helped. But for a while I had no job, my car broke down and he worked second shift. I was on foot for about 3 months, mostly alone. I continued to sort out my life. In these days I was lonely quite a bit.

I made a lot of friends, dated a lot, etc. as I got a job, my own place etc. But in that time holidays were different. I would hang with friends after hours and all but not be part of their family stuff, you just feel like an intruder.

Even when my career picked up I still lived alone and about 40 miles from the friends I had finally made, so we hung on weekends, party holidays, etc. Again alone mostly for another two years.

You know what? Best thing that ever happened. By the time I met Dorothy I was 26, I didn’t “need” anyone. Our relationship was built on a desire to be together not a need. No co-dependence which to me is the main killer of marriages.

With her my career then took off like a rocket, I had someone to build it for rather than just myself. I can tell you now though I would not have realized it at the time when I was in my early 20s I wasn’t suited to be a mate for anyone, I was not developed enough as an individual man.

My family sucked, and in many ways still does. My dad is a good man but he wasn’t much of a father until my mid teens and then only so much, hunting and what not. He worked 7 days a week from 6am till 8pm taking only Christmas and half of New Years Day off in almost 15 years. I grew up with no real male role model again till my mid teens. I was raised by my Grandmother and Grandfather more then a mom. My Granddad did what he could to be a role model but a boy wants an actual father.

Shit just sucks at times! When my dad and I finally got things going, he and my mom divorced and it was ugly. She is a drug addict and really went nuts during this time, neither would leave the house. So I moved out on my own at 16 and it stayed that way until a few months before I left for the Army at 17. At that point I went to my other grandmothers to help her our as she was ill.

In AIT (Army School after basic) I got a call that she had died of cancer, had to go home and to her funereal. That left me only my one grandfather on my dad’s side, he died 2 months before I got out, where this whole story started.

Again all this hardship was building me up, making me strong, making me a man that would be a good father, a good grandfather.

Not everyone needs such hardship to be shaped, to break a family cycle, but life offers you the OPPORTUNITY to do it if you need it!

Find some friends, build a life, that is the best thing you can do. Likely people your age don’t interest you so make friends 5-10 years older, it takes a bit of effort but you find your extended family that way.

Read books by Richard Bach and James Redfield too. Christmas is in many ways just a day that we put a meaning on. You are no more alone today than any other day, you just come into touch with it.

Just know life only offers a crucible to those that need one, walk into it and come out stronger.

Hey man haven’t heard much from you lately. I was putting together this years episode and saw your comment and my response. Just hoping 2016 brought good things to you and that 2017 brings even better.