Hi Jack.

I only wanted to pass my sympathies to you and your wife on your current situation. My father lost his faculties for the last few weeks of his life, but I was lucky in that he was alert throughout his illness up to that point.

You’re absolutely darn right this is a survival topic, this is how the stuff hits the fan for most people most of the time. A personal, not community-wide crisis.

God bless you, your wife and everyone else who is doing everything they can to make his final days as comfortable as possible.

We went through the same thing with my great-grandmother Jack. In he last year my grandmother was able to put her up in a great place all because of preparation on both their parts.

This was a lady who when my great-grandfather had two heart attacks in his 40s went back to school and got her GED and her nursing degree. She then worked almost 40 years at a nursing home and teaching nurses aid classes (till she was almost 80 years old.)

Because she squeezed every penny and because my grandmother saved, they were able to put her in a good place for her last year of life. So yes, it’s definitely a survival topic.

Kudos to you and and Dorothy for taking the best care of him.

Great show, wife worked in senior care industry glad you found a good place my wife always has said if you want them well cared for visit often.
Also hammered out a deal last night for out 2nd home with the land to start our Perma-farm. Nothing huge a few acre but it fit everyone’s needs and a lot more then the suburb home we own now.
Was inspired on the way home listening to this to get that deal done and get busy living.
Thanks Jack

Jack, so sorry to hear of the challenges you guys have been going through and the position you are in now having to place your father in law into full time care. God bless you and your wife for taking the time and care to find such an amazing care facility for him, and God bless you for harnessing your challenges to encourage others. You both are a blessing to so very many. Thank you.

Mick

So many of us have lost such great people to this merciless disease! There are fewer things that are harder to do, than watch prolific people we love and honor succumb to a mindlessness we are unable to prevent. For me it was my grandfather, one of the best men I ever knew. I pray for all of us here who have lost or are in the process of losing someone to dementia. It truly is a tragic way to leave this world

I just buried my mother Wednesday. She had Alzheimer’s disease for 8 years. I brought her into my home in March. She required 24 hour care at that point. I work nights as a RN. My daughter cared for her when I worked. I had the knowledge to deal with the severe decline that was to happen over the next few months. Still, the strain of 24 hr care with no relief was nearly unbearable. I don’t know how people deal with that type of care for years, especially if they have no medical training. After 2 months or do, it became apparent to me mom was in a terminal spiral downhill. I tried to get my sister, the power of attorney for mom, to release mom’s money to pay for a nursing home. Even though mom had plenty of money, my sister refused. Why that would be 90 thousand dollars a year, she said. My sister said that my father made her promise to not let the government get the money he had set aside for our mother. Evidently, my sister equated paying for nursing home care with giving money to the government. So my sister retained an attorney…at the cost of $10,000, to try to get mom on Medicaid. My husband, my other sister, who is also a nurse, and I were furious. Mom was approaching a semi-comatose state and required 3 hours a day just to give her food and water. Desperate for some kind of break, I enlisted the help of hospice to get some respite care. The approval for a week of respite care came at the same time the attorney recommended we just go ahead and put mom in a nursing home because she had to spend down her assets…no big surprise there. So mom was finally placed in a nursing home. She lasted 2 weeks and 4 days. I had predicted 2 weeks. Hospice was absolutely wonderful. Please consider it for a loved one with a terminal illness. I don’t know the lesson if my story. Perhaps be really clear in your living will on what you want your assets spent on. My relationship with my older sister is forever strained over pettiness and greed. I bet she spent more on the lawyer than 2 1/2 weeks of nursing home care.

Tough times. My mom cared for her mother-in-law when I was a teenager. Eventually she went into a nursing home 2 blocks away. It was ok for a while, Grandma told some crazy stories, believing them to be true. As her health got worse she needed someone with her 24/7, bed pan, lots of care. If only they had home health care, elderly sitters and such then. Mom regretted the football games and other activities she missed with us kids. I helped much with my younger siblings, and cooking. At 16 she gave me the car keys and a blank check to pick up groceries, not even a grocery list. You know what we need, just pick it up. Mom made us promise if any of us end up taking care of her to put her in a nursing home when things get tough.

I watch 2 neighbors forced by their kids into nursing homes. The first one would fall outside and not seek medical care, afraid she’d end up in a home. She could not remember to take her meds on time, not take them at all, other times overdose. Her daughter left me her number, call me.

One day my elderly neighbor called me not feeling well. I went over and she wasn’t doing well at all. Could barely stand with her walker, house smelled horrible, good food in the trash, spoiled food in the fridge. She would not let anyone come into the home to help her on a regular basis. (She’d call me to drive her and her dogs to the vet, store, etc) She trusted me, didn’t want me to call her daughter. I went home looking for her daughter’s number when the daughter gave me a call.

They put her in a nice home against her wishes. As bad as her memory was she never forgot which daughter put her in an assisted living home, they took care of food, meds and cleaning. Her health improved within a week, walking without a walker, telling jokes with others (repeated jokes and new to both each time). It had some rooms with small fenced yards for dogs. She would have loved to have her dogs, could have arranged for such a room if she’d planned ahead, but no openings when she had to go asap.

Another neighbor would come out and walk with me whatever time of day I decided to walk. Sweetest lady you’d ever meet. One time she was very upset, her kids were taking her and her husband to court, she didn’t know what it was about. Her car window was broken, so was her hand. Why would her kids break her window with a baseball bat and smash her hand? (She broke the window and messed up her hand in the process). Her husband wanted her to stay in their home, kids felt she needed more care. After the incident with the hand, he agreed that maybe such was for the best. He sold his home and got an apartment next to her nursing home so he could spend every remaining minute with her that he could.

Thanks Jack. Admire your Dad in law and his WWII service and experiences.
Do your best to record/document what happened to him in WWII.